Show me magic and ill show you magic.

                           I havent written in a while. To be honest, i think its because i’ve realized too many people i know follow my tumblr and i started to feel really weird about letting out my true thoughts from the depths of my mind. However, now i feel i havent been on it that much that it has died down. Perhaps the walls are back again. Or maybe i just need to make a new one that only i know. Or maybe i should just write my thoughts in my leather bound journal. If i actually was so concerned with people reading the depth thoughts, then i would just be writing them in my journal. Why do i then insist on just writing them online anyway .. Hm. Human nature is so funny. Ive been studying myself the past three weeks because my car had broken. The transmission of my car went. Or well, shall i say is going. It doesnt go in reverse anymore. Because of that, i only drive to and from work and no where else just in case it goes completely. I would just go and get a new car but i have to pay for it all myself. Since i have to do that, im going to save as much as i ca until i absolutely have to lay out the money for it. So, i have to save as much money as quick as possible. Ive been going on a “debt diet” to do this. I cut out, literally everything. Except for gas. Its so god damn difficult, you have no idea how hard it is to TRY to not spend money every day. Saving is literally, one of the most difficult tasks i have doing. However i will defeat it, and im already doing great. I just now today however, felt i am beginning to crack. I cant crack though, i need that new damn car. I wont lease it either, or borrow money from the bank. I just personally have come to the realization, i dont ever want to have to owe money. Also, leasing to me is cheap and fake and now real. I’m in the new belief of only getting what i myself can bring in. I think it will be much much smarter in the long run, i just have a feeling. Then i’ll just keep upgrading, and upgrading, like a video game. I just feel like in todays society, they have glammed up debt, and loans and such. How many students go in debt every day for school? How many take out debt for cars, and houses, and all this stuff. I think they have made it to feel okay to be loaning from banks and things. I may be crazy but I dont want to feel i owe something. I just think its there way of putting a leash on you, and my biggest concern for me in my life is to never feel in a cage, or on a leash. (Not including the bedroom) ..  I like to feel free and in control of my own actions and growth in life, including successfulness. If that even makes sense .. Hm. Thats why it’s been bringing me great joy to make my necklaces, and have my collections come out. I feel so fufilled in doing that because i love to make my magical enchanted necklaces and share them with the world. It makes me feel connected, and complete because its all my own doings and ideas. Which gives me full control, and i like that. I dont know. I have to last 4 more hard weeks, and then i’ll be able to wean off on the full debt diet. I can do it. This is first world problems and i need to beat it. Its stilly. Oh well. My, that felt good.